
It doesn't matter.
I am seriously in no position to be talking to people about how they should be living their lives. I’m 23 years old. Shit, I hardly even have any idea how to live my own life. What makes me think I can get up on a soapbox and just start enumerating platitudes like I’m about to change someone’s worldview?
Just because the same thing happened to me, and watching videos on YouTube motivated me to get off my ass and start running, or Courage Wolf was enough to make me seriously question the validity of my existence, doesn’t mean that it will also have the same effect on other people if I subjected them to the same types of pressure. Internet memes, motivational music, quotes from the greatest men in History, these were enough to get me started. However, that doesn’t give me license to try and collate all of these many different things for others to absorb. There is a time and place for a man to do exactly that kind of thing, but I personally am not there yet.
Discovering my own life purpose is vastly different from just finding something interesting enough to start doing on a boring Sunday afternoon. The truth is, I am really quite a boring person. I may have found plenty of ways to have fun by myself, but I have hardly had the chance to really share my happiness with someone I know in real life; my friends rarely go out, and when they do, it’s very rare that I get invited. I’ve never been that guy. I’m not the life of the party. I’m not the center of attraction. I’m not the source of inspiration. I don’t have all the answers.
And I don’t have any of the most important questions either. If you were to live my life even just for a day, you’d find that I am simply not the questioning type. I’ve read and heard all about the importance of being able to question everything, and I appreciate the meaning of those two very simple words when put together. But no matter what I do, I will never be able to hide the fact that I am simply not that type of person. I don’t have these big, open-ended questions always floating in my mind; I’m not actively seeking for explanations like many other people out there. The mind of a person like that is like a big serving of chicken noodle soup. My own mind would be more like the big empty bowl after the soup has already dried up or something.
I know scientists have a characteristic that makes them consciously seek out information about a particular subject, researching stuff even if no one else will care about it. I’m not that type of person. What I do is I just sit, and sift through the ocean of information with no particular goal in mind, feeling lucky to run into something that piques my interest or sparks my imagination. Basically, I’m like a sponge. And I’ve been doing this for almost half of my life now. How do I even explain this? I’m clearly doubting myself at this point. Why should I go on trying to effect a change in other people, when that wasn’t what happened to me in the first place?
I didn’t go out looking for something to make me change my ways, decide on a certain direction in life, and follow a certain philosophy. I just got up, crept off the bed, put my shoes and clothes on, and I walked out the door. Then I went on silently observing, learning more about one subject matter after another. I didn’t go out looking for answers to life’s biggest questions, or even looking for these questions in the first place.
I didn’t go out thinking that religion is bullshit and that there must be some other worldly explanation for all of the seemingly supernatural things always attributed to God. I just ran into some atheists on the Internet and followed one link after another, reading, and reading, and reading, and reading. In the end, I used my own understanding to deduce the fact that I was already an atheist. I never really believed in God in the first place.
I didn’t set off one afternoon thinking, “Today is the day I will discover my life’s purpose.” What happened was, I was on my way home when I passed by a garbage bin that was filled with trash to the brim and on top of it was a technology magazine that had a picture of a pretty woman on its cover. That was T3 Philippines, and that was the day I got into the world of consumer electronics and high-end technology. The end result was me starting my own web site about the latest news stories on that particular topic.
Now, I spend most of my free time reading about self-improvement, motivation, and becoming a true alpha male. Well, after a few months of doing this, I now know that I actually started off as a natural alpha male during my childhood. I was fresh, self-confident and often came across as showy or arrogant; I didn’t find it difficult to get along with other people, especially girls, and there always seemed to be at least one girl who had a crush on me during most of my entire life. For some reason, though, I became a weak beta male, most likely due to the series of failures that I endured all throughout my early teenage years and young adult life (up to now). What I’m doing now is basically resetting myself so that I can get back into the mindset of a proper, natural alpha and start succeeding again.
And I’m doing it. I’m actually making some changes in my own life and I’m feeling pretty good about it. I know I’m on the right track. I’m single but I’m happy. I have some great hobbies. I still need to work on my friendships, but I’m almost there. I’m mostly doing all right in my life.
Still, that doesn’t mean that I can go and try to “help” people as if they desperately need it. I know I didn’t. And even when I did, it didn’t take me a day, or a week, or even a month to get over my own insecurities and drop my bad habits. No, it took me years, two going on three now, to finally look at myself in the mirror and say, “Dude, what the FUCK are you doing? You have got to CHANGE.”
And so I did. But that’s just me. Other people have to take care of themselves. I’m understandably excited to share the great amount of inspiration that I’ve gathered for myself in the last 3 or 4 years. But the thing is, I’ve only really been doing it passively, and I got it from many different sources. It was only recently that I figured it all out, somewhat. And that each and every little thing started to make sense and I started to understand. It took me quite a long time. What exactly am I getting at?
I should stop pretending. Even though one thing has worked for me, there is no guarantee that it will also work on another. And I should not waste my time and effort working around that idea and waiting to see whether or not it will have any sort of effect, for better or worse. I am not in the position to be running a business off the idea of telling people how to live their lives. Besides the fact that I don’t really know what to tell people in this regard, I don’t really have that much life experience to back my statements up anyway. And shit, I’ve only been consciously doing this for the last three months. I’m not a guru, and I’ve never aspired to be.
What I’m supposed to do is that one thing that I truly love: writing a technology magazine. That was what made me fall in love with the Internet, this netbook, that cellphone, my future e-book reader, car, and home in the first place. Incidentally, that’s also what most people in the country need. The missing manual for all of their burgeoning consumer electronic needs.
I still remember the day I got started on all of this as if it was just yesterday. Now, I don’t need to start scouting garbage bins within 25 kilometers of my home just to get started again; I know exactly what to do. I’ll be going back to the mall where I bought my first back-issues and pick up everything from there. Wish me luck, friend.